What to do with a marsupial in a bag

I saw this on Gawker months ago & rediscovered it when I was going through my bookmarks. It is clearly amazing and I can’t believe I forgot about it for like five months.

What is this man’s game plan for that small kangaroo? On the plus side, it appears fairly docile so it probably won’t kick him. Maybe hippie outback Santa (not to be confused with baby boomer Santa) is involved in a Skippy the Bush Kangaroo type situation and this is his pet. Then again, it seems irresponsible to encourage people to do this with wild animals.

My real question is why does he need the kangaroo to be in the bag? Some possible theories:

• How else will you carry your pet marsupial?
• They give good sport, like hobbits
• They’re super tasty. My dog had severe skin allergies so for a while he had to eat kangaroo based food. It smelled awful but he seemed to like it. Or
• Maybe the kangaroo will be a Christmas present for someone (since Christmas is in the summer in Australia).

Also, who is the audience for this video? Presumably if you live in the bush, and need to catch a kangaroo, you could ask your neighbor or something. In fact, you probably already know what to do. If you’re on vacation, you shouldn’t be trying to capture wild animals. That is just a terrible idea. It will not end well.

How do you know what size bag is kangaroo size? I would have no idea. I’d probably try to use my giant overnight tote bag then forget to unzip it giving the kangaroo time to run away. I guess this has to be a tame kangaroo since it doesn’t attempt to fight back or escape, which is usually what wild animals do. I also thought kangaroos were enormous. I mean obviously they start out small but I don’t know if they stay small. I need to learn more about kangaroos. I’ll keep you all posted on what I discover.

To get to the bottom of this mystery, I checked out the other uploads to that channel. This was posted recently.

He still has the kangaroo in the bag so it is clearly a pet. I imagine this video is for novices attempting to capture kangaroos and failing.

Note: kangaroos do not use tools nor do they know martial arts but they do dance to Swedish supergroups.

This man might be my new favorite person as he likes kangaroos and Abba. The little kangaroo, according to a comment, is named Roo-d, like my favorite Huxtable (kind of [kind of the same name. Rudy is totally my fave]). Now I want to go to Australia to  meet Roo-d & his friend but I’m afraid of being killed by giant spiders so I need to do that first. Oh, and save enough money for plane tickets and whatnot.

If you’re looking for a more seasonally appropriate post, here’s one from last year about Christmas songs. As always, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about that genre. Over the summer, I acquired this Bing Crosby Christmas album which I will hopefully love enough to add to that post. It is still, in my opinion, too early for Christmas music. I’ll try it in a few weeks.

Birthdays are Stressful

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 22. I say this, not asking for birthday wishes. Rather, I desire nothing. I do not enjoy my birthday. No, I didn’t have a traumatic childhood event on my birthday. Actually, I’ve had some kick-ass birthdays, including two at Disney World (btw apparently November is the month to go Disney). My grandpa & I have the same birthday, which is nice since we’re close.

The majority of my dislike for my birthday extends to Christmas as it comes from gift-giving. I love giving gifts to others, it’s really fun to come up with a creative & enjoyable present. I dislike the social pressure of responding appropriately to the gift that I have received.

I feel a lot of pressure, presumably from nowhere, to respond with equal enthusiasm about the present as the gift giver has in giving it. It creates my usual spiral of emotions that ends with anger and frustration directed solely at myself. I don’t like the spectacle of being the center of attention even though my grandfather is usually there to divert some of it. Also, pictures of people blowing out birthday candles are super embarrassing.

I’m 100% sure that if I were at a restaurant & the employees gathered to sing to me on my birthday with a strange desert with a candle in it, I would cry tears of frustration as part of the anger spiral that would keep me up at night at random intervals for years to come. I should probably talk to someone about that.

Side note: this year I picked out an awesome pair of shoes for my parents to buy for me. This is perfect since I was super enthusiastic about the shoes and my mom also loved them. It was great.

There’s also a social expectation of having a party but inevitably throwing a party or planning a night out is more about those attending than the person hosting. You have to ensure that other people are having fun while your own experience suffers. You spend all your time planning food, drinks, music, and decorations then none of your time really enjoying it. I like the small birthday dinner model of celebrating since it’s pretty much the same as going out to dinner the normal way. It has a clear beginning and end, assuming it’s a good restaurant, the dinner is worry-free. There’s no prep, clean-up, or really anything. You call to make reservations, show up, and that’s it.

At this point in the first world, are birthdays even worth celebrating? The first few years are worth celebrating by parents, as anecdotal evidence suggests that children try to self-destruct until they’re like 6. They swallow anything and amble around like normal humans on original 4Loko. It’s an achievement to keep another small being alive, which is probably why crazy pet owners give their animals lavish parties too. After that, I guess you have to continue with birthdays for several years since the spoiled little sociopaths have come to expect one day a year where their universe revolves around them. Maybe birthdays should be like trick-or-treating, the Easter Bunny, or Santa. There comes a time when the kid who comes to your door is just too old to be dressed up to beg for candy & that time is all too clear.

If anything, we should really be celebrating the birthdays of the extremely old. I would say any age above 85 is worth celebrating because that’s awful damn old although they’re also a grim glimpse at our own inevitable mortality which is worth pondering but also a buzz-kill.

As my birthday is tomorrow, I expect that this message is coming too late but a girl can dream. My ideal birthday is not unlike Kelly’s on The Office. It would be a normal day where I get to do whatever I want as I choose. I also really like how low pressure the facebook mass “happy birthday” posts are. You like them or mass reply a thank you, and you’re set. Social contract fulfilled!

Don’t worry, his eyes are fine now.

I am totally up for celebrating my grandfather’s 75th birthday as he is pretty old and also it’s also a sort of landmark birthday (since in America we celebrate everything ending with a 5 or 0). Also, we’ve spent enough years focusing on me that he should get the full brunt of attention. Tomorrow, I will be doing my normal routine plus a trip to the comic book store where I may or may not purchase the complete run of Brian Michael Bendis’s Alias (which is a great series from the now-discontinued Marvel Max imprint).

Realistic Willy Wonka

So today I was discovering Tournament of Nerds instead of doing my book reviews. My bad, time has gotten away from me. I have read the books, I just keep polishing the reviews. Anyway, it featured Willy Wonka & got me thinking about what are among the most disturbing (and popular) children’s films & book. My father also found the original Gene Wilder film disturbing so we spent most of dinner watching the beach volleyball final & talking about how the story should really play out. Mostly this has to do with the 4 naughty children (although how are the grandfather’s legs not atrophied like in the beginning of The Matrix? Where do they go to the bathroom?).

Yeah, the Wolverine movie prettied him up.

Let’s start with Augustus Gloop. I’m an amateur baker, so I know that chocolate melts at a high-ish temperature (113°F) and I discovered that: “when tap water reaches 140º F, it can cause a third degree (full thickness) burn in just five seconds.”Based on that, I would extrapolate that he would have whole-body 3rd degree burns by the time he got up that pipe. He’s not screaming in fear, he’s screaming in pain or passing out from it. It’s like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark but with one fat German child instead of a horde of German soldiers, a guy that I still think is Hitler, and that French archaeologist & instead of ghosts, it’s chocolate. As Dwight Shrute says, “have you ever seen a burn victim?” We’re talking Deadpool scars. That’s not good. No way is he going home that night. And they’re not just on the outside, they’re probably inside his mouth, esophagus, even his respiratory system.

Violet would have exploded Mr. Creosote style. Watch with caution. Not for children or emetophobes. I’m not kidding. For those who chose not to watch, the remaining guests would likely be showered in guts, berry seeds & innards, clothing, skin, and probably bones. So they’re taking an early ride in that weird open car wash because skin just doesn’t stretch that much unless you’re Skin from X-Men, but who is?

I’m least concerned about these middle two, Veruca & Mike. Veruca is Schrodinger’s cat. She might be a charred skeleton, or she’s just covered in garbage. So either burned to death but totally dead (unlike Augustus), or needs several showers and maybe tetanus & hepatitis boosters. Probably some intensive therapy too, but she was already on that road. Mike would be fine unless they actually tried to stretch him like he’s on The Rack in medieval times. As a little boy Thumbelina, he’d probably be eaten by a hawk or tortured, then killed by a cat. Possibly better than The Rack.

My dad & I imagined the worst fate for Charlie. Assuming he & his grandfather survived the Glass Elevator, and returned to live in the factory, things will go from bad to worse. Wonka will turn over the factory, then disappear just as Interpol (the movie was shot in Germany so I’m using that as the setting even though it isn’t) agents arrive and arrest Charlie for human rights violations.

The other parents, after signing Wonka’s contract, realize that they can still report him for enslaving Oompa-Loompas (assuming Germany has a minimum wage & basic worker protections. It’s Germany, so probably). Charlie lacks the resources to pay for his own defense. His grandparents all die from the stress of the very public trial, and he spends several years in jail plotting his revenge. Wonka is in South America with the other Nazis (my dad’s unexplained & vague theory that I kind of love). Charlie hunts him down, Boys from Brazil style. The trailer makes that movie look way better than it is. For starters, there are fewer dobermans.

We find out that he was trying to create a master race from Oompa-Loompas & using candy to make people physically unable to fight back (diabetes, obesity, etc). So Charlie’s revenge becomes a life-long mission to save the world from certain doom & Wonka dies in prison singing his song about “pure imagination,” which has taken on a dark new meaning. Good night, folks.

The Snow Queen: Christmas in July

No, adventures are only tragedies that didn’t happen.

Joan D. Vinge, The Summer Queen

These masks would be awesome craft projects. I just need a crazy name.

Over the last year, I’ve been reading The Snow Queen tetralogy. I don’t know if it’s technically called that, but it’s four books so it’s not wrong. I first heard about the series on io9 in 2010 and spent an inordinate amount of time waiting for the first book in the series to show up at a local book store. I found the third book there, but not the others. Eventually I gave up and turned to a small business posting on Amazon for the other three books in the series. The back cover of the book compared it to Star Wars, and I’m not going to say no to that. On a related note- does anyone know of a space opera/ Star Wars-like book series I can read?

I’m not sure what it is about Vinge’s writing but it has this ability not only to hold my attention, but to consume and require all of it.

It also pairs well with a comically large bottle of Western New York white wine.

Last summer, my parents & I spent a long weekend with my aunt, her boyfriend, and their two sons (both under 4 at the time). I would stay up late into the night reading, read it during the entire 6 hour drive, and (inadvertently) blocked out everything around me. I don’t know if you’ve ever been around parents trying to get two kids ready to start the day (including a trip to the pool club), but it’s damn distracting.

I found it so fascinating, that I tried to write my thesis on it. My adviser was confused by the topics I generated about it, plus I couldn’t find any scholarship on it, so that put a stop to that. It probably would have been awesome though and it wouldn’t have made me cry like my thesis playlist continues to do.

I’ve always been a reader, and a quick one at that. Having to read several hundred pages a week for four years has only increased that tendency, but these books were different. I couldn’t put them down. The characters were complex and compelling. During the sixteen (seventeen?) year gap between the first and third books, the characters changed but were still fundamentally the same people. Relationships became more complex and the characters’ problems changed as they got older.

That’s not to say that every plot point rang true. In the third book, the protagonists’ children are unaware of the events of the first book, which seems crazy. It’s like How I Met Your Mother, where the teenage children know nothing about  their father’s life before they existed, except the main character is likeable. Actually, a lot of The Summer Queen is these kids figuring out how their dad met their mother and how that has some crazy impact on the universe. But rather than being told it all at once, they get sucked into crazy adventures and have to guess what’s going on. I’m still not sure that they know the whole story by the end of the book.

The end of the third book also confused me because, for some unexplained (or poorly explained) reason, the two main characters can’t tell other people this really important secret. Like the whole plot hinges around it, and they both know it, but either can’t or won’t communicate it. It was so frustrating. That probably means that I should reread all the books instead of applying for jobs. Just kidding. Not really. Maybe. I don’t know.

There are two tragedies in life. One is never getting your heart’s desire. The other is getting it.

Joan D. Vinge, The Summer Queen

Apparently BZ is also a pirate. Did not know that. Interesting artistic choice. Hm. I wish I had this cover.

There were so many potential tragedies that I couldn’t relax. Of all the characters, the one who spoke that line, BZ Gundhalinu’s story is the closest to tragic. I spent most of the books wondering when he would finally catch a break and be happy. Eventually, this chaos spread to all the main characters which was exciting and stressful. Like, things would start to go well then BAM! Someone’s halfway across the galaxy, or dying, or in love, or any combination of those at once.

Unfortunately, I left Tangled Up in Blue (the fourth book) at home so now I have to wait until Tuesday (probably) to start reading it. I’m distracting myself with Ticket to Ride on my phone (awesome app & board game), Edith Wharton, and H. P. Lovecraft. Never thought I’d use those two names in the same sentence.

I’m not sure that I would widely recommend this book. I wonder if it’s just right for me or if it’s actually amazing. I’ve started reading Psion, another of Vinge’s books, and it also sucks me in. I guess there’s something about her writing style that I respond to. I don’t really know. If you’ve read her books & had similar experiences, let me know so I know that I’m not the only one.

In Edith Wharton’s library where we weren’t allowed to touch the books.

On a related note, I’m going to try a new series called Claire Reads Stuff where I read a random book every week, then blog about it. I’m going to walk into my local library, check my parents’ bookshelf, or browse through the free Kindle books (because I’m unemployed & books are expensive), grab a book I’ve never read (or one I pretended to have read in college [sorry Mom & Dad]), then read & review it in a week. Comment or email isthismeta@gmail.com to suggest something.*

May you get everything you wish for; may you be noticed in high places; and may you live in interesting times.

Joan D. Vinge, The Summer Queen

*Don’t suggest 50 Shades of Grey because I can’t top this Goodreads review or the two subsequent reviews. They’re pretty great.

Aren’t you a little young to…?

So I’m officially a college graduate. Suck it, Harvard, Claire out! Unfortunately this is almost universally accepted as the beginning of adulthood. Not cool, world. Not cool. I have been splitting my time between crashing with Aileen in Manhattan and staying with my parents in an unnamed location in New York. As a member of the non-employed (you can’t be unemployed if you haven’t had a job yet), this has become a sort of last hurrah /summer vacation since it turns out adults don’t really do that.

I’ve made some strides toward adulthood

• I cook dinner like 4 nights a week for three people.
• we had a girls’ day trip to a historic architectural site which I spear-headed. Speaking of which, if you’re ever in the Berkshires, the Mount is awesome.
• I learned to make my favorite caffeinated beverages at home to save money. I’m still mastering cold-brewed French press though. As I write this, I’m drinking a home made iced Americano and yesterday I made a tasty-delicious cafe mocha.
• I wrote thank-you notes without being reminded. I also got grown up thank-you cards for after interviews.
• the pie I made was delicious but it also looked like this:

For fans of Alien, Prometheus (?), and Spaceballs.

• I gave blood. Granted, I went with my parents and apparently stopped breathing for prolonged periods during the donation, which is frowned upon because while you don’t need all your blood, you need all your oxygen & water vapor.
• I paid taxes this year & even got a refund (what what?!).
• I’ve pretty much stopped napping. I’ve also been going to bed at reasonable-ish hours and waking up at near-acceptable hours.
• I resisted the urge to roll down this awesome steep hill

  because the trees, traffic, and fence made it look unsafe.

• I am currently in the process of finding a general practitioner. Yes, I’ve been seeing a pediatrician my whole life although I did see a grown-up doctor a few times in college but more in an “is this strep” kind of way than a yearly check-up way.

but I’ve had a few setbacks. For example:

• it took me two days to properly clean my room during which time I was distracted by almost everything I found.
• in one weekend I spent ~$30 on records. My b.
• I celebrated another Claudia Kishi craft week.

• the lemonade I had with lunch on the 4th of July was spiked with gin. Actually, this probably qualifies as grown up because it’s gin instead of rum or cheap vodka.

My job search has been going slowly but I have high hopes that soon I will be a real gainfully employed, rent paying adult.

Anime Boston

So, a few weeks ago I went to my first ever convention. It was Anime Boston, I went with my Anime as Global Popular Culture class & the trip was funded by the General Education office, which is pretty cool. We left at 11 am & got to the convention center at ~11:30 unfortunately we didn’t pre-order tickets so that meant standing in line until 1. I took this class on impulse (the professor’s last name is Yoda! I couldn’t not take it), so I know a fraction of what my classmates do about anime.

As a result, I spent my time in line people watching while the rest of the group talked about which shows they watch and who they usually cosplay as. Did you know there are series about sports? Not about real teams or athletes, fictional. I actually saw a tennis cosplayer with things you could buy at any sporting goods store. Very weird insomuch as it was seemingly normal until you realized it was actually a costume.

Me, dressed up as Luna Lovegood for a friend's Harry Potter Party. The closest I will ever get to cosplay except Halloween.

I also saw a lot of people cosplaying live action American series like Castle, Battlestar Galactica, and The Walking Dead.

Anyway, we got our badges and I couldn’t think of a fun pseudonym for my badge which is too bad. I came up with one about five minutes later. Then everyone went their separate ways. I spent most of my time people watching. The interactions between non-cosplayers, cosplayers, and people who had been dragged along was amusing. The convention center is attached to a shopping center which is where most people were eating and caused even stranger interactions. I tend to be on the reserved side, particularly in crowds, so I spent nearly all my time people-watching.

In the Dealer’s Room, I was looking for something for my 9 year old cousin for Easter since I will be celebrating with their family. I couldn’t find something that suited him. I did, however, find a variety of wigs (apparently $50 is a reasonable price), and body pillows with young men and women on them which I thought only existed on 30 Rock.

To paraphrase Kaylee on Firefly, look, they got boy pillow cases… isn’t that thoughtful?* Artists’ Alley was interesting because there’s a mix of fan art and original creations. I also found the commissioned stuff interesting because the artists would draw people in their choice of styles. There were really cute French Macaroon coin purses that I kind of regret not getting but I would never use them anyway.

I don’t know if it was the time or day that we went, but there weren’t really panels that I was interested in and I couldn’t rationalize sitting around watching TV with a bunch of strangers. I’ve come to realize that I do this every time I go to the movies but it’s not the same.

One of the most interesting things I saw happened, honest to God, in the ladies’ room. One cosplayer came in and was fixing her wig. I had never seen someone put on the net covering (over their real hair) and adjust one before. It seemed complicated but also appeared to be second nature to this young woman.

Overall, I noticed how trusting parents are at an event like this. Granted, the Boston Police and various security groups were everywhere but I saw a ton of young teens (11+) allowed to attend alone. I can’t imagine my parents letting me do that.  Granted, they let me go to the mall with friends at that age but doing so in costume in a strange environment seems is totally different. And they were so friendly, like everyone else they were as active about taking pictures of costumes or letting people photograph them. There were also a lot of younger children still with their parents. A surprising number of kids were dressed while the parents often looked puzzled but happy that their children were happy. It was pretty adorable honestly.

One minor problem is an odd trend of a few people shouting “Marco” and others responding with “Polo.” I have no tolerance for that sort of shenanigans. You’re in a convention center, not a swimming pool. That wasn’t as frustrating as my lack of knowledge about anime. I only know what we’ve discussed in class. I was one of the few people in school who never really got in to Pokemon.

On my own, I’ve started watching the rest of Neon Genesis Evangelion or Eva. We watched the 1st, 14th (a clip show) and 20th-26th episodes as a class. I was simultaneously confused by it and sucked in so I’m rewatching it, & am on episode 5. It’s a good time but requires constant attention. Mostly because the English dubbing is horrid so I’m watching it subbed.

*We studied yaoi in my class so none of this was as surprising as I’m making it out to be.

New Best Thing Ever

So I haven’t posted in many months. In my defense, I wrote a post on the differences between Battle Royale and Hunger Games but was beaten to the punch by io9, and although my post was different, I’ve held off on putting it up. I also wrote a thesis which was a huge time commitment. It was just over 12,000 words and I’m very smug about it.

Yup, I wrote a lot about Joni Mitchell and Laurel Canyon, or just canyons and Mitchells in general.

I wrote about (primarily) Joni Mitchell, and as a result listened to a lot of very sad music. Very sad music.

It was hard to get through my thesis playlist without crying or nearly crying but it introduced me to a lot of new (to me) artists. I’ve developed an appreciation of Judy Collins and Graham Nash, whom I knew almost nothing about even two months ago.

One weekend, Aileen came to visit to watch our younger cousin with me while our aunt & uncle had an anniversary weekend away. During that time we started watching Downton Abbey and she read Hunger Games (since then both of our parents have read it too, I’m such a trendsetter). Oh, and we were hockey moms shuttling around a nine year old boy but that was relatively pop-culture free and would probably bore you. Go read a mommy blog if you want that. I’ve never watched so much Shark Week or been woken up before 9 to play Life. But what does this have to do with the “New Best Thing Ever?” It’s simple. The new best thing ever is: creating imaginary soundtracks!

A few days later, while Aileen was reading Catching Fire and I was reliving reading it with her, I started making a playlist on Spotify that felt like a soundtrack to the series. Over the next 5 days & 43 tracks, I made what I thought was a complete soundtrack for the trilogy. Today, I started a Downton Abbey one. It’s already 50 tracks after about an hour. I’ll start asking for Aileen’s input soon, but right now it’s a fun way to relax between assignments. What people don’t tell you is that there’s still work after your thesis. Maybe even more work since you’ve probably postponed assignments.

In the anime class I’m taking, we’re studying fan culture so I feel particularly self-conscious about this activity. Is it crossing a line into obsession? Dear God, I hope not. I’m as nerdy as I’d like to be for now. But seriously, I don’t think I would put it that way. Obviously these songs could never be the soundtrack to an actual movie or TV show, but they also aren’t a random collection of songs. They track either the mood or story lines of the characters. In the Downton one, I have songs about WWI and about Irish history. The Hunger Games one starts with two Judy Collins songs about coal mining. Aileen’s response to that was tweeting that I “sure know a lot of songs about coal mining. #fact.”

A lot of people associate music with a particular character. Like this podcast episode about 80s songs and X-Men characters (skip to ~51:00, it’s pretty funny), although I’m fairly serious about the songs I choose.* I tried to evoke the feelings that these works make me feel, or express what goes on. I’ve also managed to introduce Aileen to musicians I like, like Laura Nyro and Thelonius Monk. I haven’t included Riot Grrrl yet, but since one of the Downton ladies is a suffragist, maybe I will. Screw it, it’s Bratmobile time.

Anyway, I would suggest trying this on your own and then letting me know about them. Or commenting with a request. I’ll probably do Princess Bride or Hanna next but I have nothing planned after that.

*I did put “Drive My Car” in the Downton playlist because they have a chauffeur and the Beatles are British, so I do have silly stuff in there. I also added Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend,” because it’s just an awesome song in general.